I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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