Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
