Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
