I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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