dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
