I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
