It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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