Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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