Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
