Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
