wanna go halves on a baby?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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