You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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