oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Randomize
