Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
