i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
