well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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