Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
