Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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