At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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