just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need a beard to bite.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
