I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if only i could text you this smell
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
