How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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