I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
