I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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