First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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