Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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