i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
