I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
