I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
