Sacagawea was the original milf.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
