Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
