This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
