dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
