after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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