I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
