I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
