and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
