I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
