fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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