Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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