you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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