I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am puke
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
