Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
