idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
