I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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