He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
