Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
