I'm going to jail i love you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
