so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
