I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
