I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The ass gains better be worth it
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