it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
