I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
